Weakness in Writing Persuasive E-mail

High School ・Business ・MLA ・3 Sources

There were some errors in the message the manager sent. They are 1) Wrong conjunction use; initiating a sentence with “an” a conjunction 2) Poor persuasive strategy; the manager's letter sounded like a complaint and not persuasive. 3) Using unnecessary pronouns; pronouns like “I myself” 4) Excessive repetition; the word “meeting” appeared a lot in the text 5) Poor Tone; the letter read out as emotional or anger. 6) Failure to anticipate objection; the manager does not support his own points in his argument to convince his boss 7) The lines in the text are not connected in meaning (Angell et al. 20).

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am facing an issue I would like to put across. There is a trend of having endless meetings that are becoming annoying. Personally, I have attended five sessions and forcefully participated in three conference call meetings within the week. In my opinion, these are wasted working hours. The meetings drag due to poor coordination and communication. Some could have been handled in an e-mail or a memo. Sometimes I think our meetings are real opportunities to socialize under the guise of “work” (Guffey et al. 63).

Our meetings are huge time suckers; therefore, something should be done about the lost productivity and sagging employee morale around here before it is too late. Most people do not like wasting their time attending poorly run or unnecessary gatherings. It seems that our managers have not been trained in how to conduct meetings, or they are simply not using their expertise (Bovee, 13).

We need to have a meeting plan alongside some guidelines or training about how to conduct meetings. There are many opportunities for improving our ways of doing things in order to reduce the lost hours. For examples, the meetings should have clear objectives and a set period they should last. Could you please find time so we can discuss this? Maybe we could come up with viable solutions on how best our meetings can be conducted.

Kind Regards,



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